Carrington goes full trad wife with clothesline maneuver
August 24, 2026 – By MaryBeth Struble
To increase viewership, WNBA athletes have been encouraged to start dunking on other players instead of hoops.
Last week, reporters showed up after the Fever v. Sky game to ask fans their thoughts on DiJonai’s violent “block” against Sophie, and white privilege in the WNBA.
“She’s competitive, so what?” One Chicago Sky fan said, shrugging. “Injuries? Ah, who cares? These athletes know the risk going into this. I mean, c’mon, it’s the WNBA for Pete’s sake! No one’s going to watch unless there’s some drama going on.”
The WNBA’s recent financial reports seem to confirm this.
Another Sky’s fan tried quoting the Constitution, “DiJonai was just using her constitutional right of freedom to slap others as she saw fit. There’s nothing wrong with that.” She laughed nervously. “What? It’s in the law! Stop looking at me that way!”
When reporters pressed for a specific article or section in the Constitution to look for, the fan became violent. “Like I’d know technicalities like those! I should slap you right now just like DiJonai!” Security came to the reporters aid quickly and hauled away the fan. “If this isn’t white privilege, I don’t know what is!”
Fever fans had a slightly different take. “I think DiJonai is in the wrong sport.” One father nodded as he talked with the reporters. “First she jabs Caitlin in the eye and now starts hitting Sophie…think she’d do better in MMA. At least there she won’t get ejected for beating up her opponents.”
Rumors are that the WNBA is planning on partnering with the Hallmark Channel and cooking shows to help get ratings up next year, so they don’t lose all their players to injuries.
Note: This is a satirical piece. All individuals, quotes, and scenarios are fictionalized.
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