Indy professors baffled at receiving an ‘F’ for political tolerance. Meanwhile, campus-wide brawl breaks out over hurt feelings.
May 21, 2026 – By Marybeth Struble
INDIANA – College professors were stunned this week after finding out the state received an F overall for political tolerance.
But the report that brought this bad news didn’t stop there. It also ranked IU Bloomington as one of the worst colleges in the nation, 255 out of 257. Reporters went to investigate how the students and faculty were holding up after this devastating news and hear their opinions.
Esteemed professor, Dr. C.N. Shorship, told reporters, “I just don’t understand how we got an F. Here at IU Bloomington we promote freedom of expression in all of its forms…and that includes getting physical with someone if they happen to disagree with you.”
One of Dr. Shorship’s students shared a similar sentiment, “This is Hoosier discrimination at its finest!” he yelled at reporters. “I say we find those bigots and give them an F!”
The campus is currently in an outrage. Students and faculty caught defending the report have been tackled on sight, and in the cafeteria, pelting the disagreers with fruit has been highly encouraged.
Dr. Shorship smiled when he walked in on the ensuing chaos. “It makes me so happy to see our students embracing freedom of speech. I mean, who cares about a report when you get to see this first-hand?”
A conservative student, disguised in Groucho glasses, had a different take on the situation. “Biggest mistake of my life saying that report was spot on! I’ve had to go in cognito mode ever since! I’m afraid if I take these glasses off someone will recognize me and I’ll get tackled on the spot. There’s no way I’m letting that happen.” The student looked dazed. “Not again.”
In other news, California teachers celebrate not being the only state the report gave an F to.
Note: This is a satirical piece. All individuals, quotes, and scenarios are fictionalized.
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